"She’s unleashed the monster."
Through grinding teeth and watering eyes I replay these words over and over. “She’s unleashed the monster.” It makes sense, I guess. A monster being a creature who preys on the ignorance of an unsuspecting stranger. Someone who is friends with the dark, accepting of the sometimes cruel ways of the world. But what is so ironic to me about this statement is the fact that I didn’t unleash the monster: I embraced him. I gave him everything I had until I had nothing left to give. I know that the monster is only a mask. That behind the mask is a boy who has lived through much more than what meets the eye. I know this “monster” was really the product of an unloving society, a history of group conflict, a victim of discrimination by association- the product of a background and a plethora of experiences beyond my understanding and beyond my experience. The boy behind the mask, this “monster,” opened my eyes to things that no angel or heavenly manifestation could ever have shown me. This “monster” found a way into a heart that had been closed off for such a long time. What some would consider a monster, I found myself more and more calling a light. A heartbeat. A glimmer of something that I had long ago lost.
"She’s unleashed the monster." After everything, this is the dagger to the heart you leave me with. The one statement you want to make heard. An insult you wish you smear across my face and down my chest into the depths of my heart. I did not unleash any monster. I removed the mask of the creature you so well portrayed, and got to know the boy behind it. I did not unleash the monster. I thought maybe I had changed him. Maybe I had altered the mask or the motivation to wear it. So when he put his mask back on, he might be different in some way. That maybe, at a time when I needed to be on my own, he could move forward in life with a new insight. That maybe, he could drop the mask altogether. But I did not succeed in this. You chose to put the mask back on. In doing so, you showed where your ambitions lie. What you care about. You revealed the irony behind every single "I care about you" you ever spoke. I did not unleash the monster. You are not a monster. You just choose to wear that mask. You will continue to prey on girls, looking to no greater depths than what lies below their low cut shirts and clingy skirts. This is the mask you choose to wear. After everything we shared and everything you led me to believe, this is the final portrayal of yourself you wish to leave for me.
I did not unleash anything. You are not a monster. This is just the mask you choose to wear. The legacy you choose to leave.